How to build amazing relationships that last
One of the longest studies ever conducted was a 70-year study on the biggest contributor to happiness.
The result, great close relationships were the single biggest contributing factor.
How are your relationships? With friends? Family? A partner?
The answer is usually not as good as it could be, but what leads to amazing relationships is how we make them last.
The answer can be tricky for someone who has had lots of relationships and has also ended many relationships.
The problem is, there are lots of relationships that aren’t worth the effort, trees that don’t bear fruit.
Here is the framework that I use to approach relationships
1 - Identify if the person is worth the investment
The first mistake I made was associating proximity and closeness to a shared experience and moral world, it’s a large push factor that happened in my last relationship. Too many of us have close friends that are only that close because of the length of time. But their values, actions, and habits, are vastly different. Amazing relationships are built by two amazing people, you cannot be the only one contributing massive value, and think that to be enough, because you will be let down, and they will always feel like they’re an anchor, and if they don’t that’s a bigger issue.
2 - BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front)
My favorite thing about my relationships is that I trust my people will look out for me, and tell me things as they are, not as I want them to be. Honesty, clarity, and transparency are the most valued attributes in all my relationships, and I do not form relationships with anyone without those. Not lying is one killer start to an amazing relationship
3 - The Variable 50/50 Energy Split
It’s a relationship, a bond, there are two people. A one-sided relationship is not good for anyone. Both parties need to be willing to invest time and energy into the relationship, and while it won’t always be 50/50, the average should be pretty close. If you audit your relationships and find that you give way more than you receive, it’s time to have a hard conversation and bring it into the light
4 - Uncommunicated expectations become premeditated resentments
Whatever you choose not to communicate and expect the other person to magically guess is on you. Not them. You automatically make a relationship worse if you expect something, and do not communicate it. Going back to the second point, the HCT (Honesty, Clarity, Transparency) is so important, that all bad relationships will most likely break, and all good ones will become great.
